Receiving Graciously

Some time ago, my friend Stacy blog about being a gracious receiver. I'd link her blog if I just knew how, but I don't know how to do that. LOL!

In her post, she asked if each of us was a gracious receiver. I immediately answered NO in my head. While I LOVE to give, I have never been very good at receiving -- ESPECIALLY when it's something that is helping me out and not just your standard birthday gift. Oh, don't get me wrong. I get embarrassed when people give me birthday and Christmas gifts, too, and I often find myself telling people that it's too much. It's just that the feeling intensifies when people give me something "just because" or with the intent of helping me out. While I appreciate every act of giving, I just have a hard time receiving gifts. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I feel as though I'm not worthy of their gift. I'm not even sure WHY I feel that way...but I do.

Some time ago, someone offered to pay for me to attend a retreat. I declined, telling the organizer that I'd back out before letting someone do that. I am a firm believer in not buying things you can't pay for. At the time of the retreat deposit, I had a firm plan on paying for it. That fell through with some very unexpected and costly car and furnace repairs. I reluctantly agreed to borrow money from family so that I didn't have to back out, but I could never ever accept the gift of a retreat. Again, it isn't because I don't appreciate the thought. It's because I don't feel that someone should spend their hard-earned money for me to attend a retreat. While they are FUN, FUN, FUN...they are not a necessity.

You're probably wondering why I'm rambling on about this. What made me think about Stacy's post? Yesterday, someone offered to do something EXTREMELY generous for me. As usual, my response was basically thank you for the offer, but I can't accept it. The offer was unbelievable, and I'm still smiling from the selfless thought of this angel. I can't fathom why someone would want to help me in this way, but I will never, ever forget it. My heart has been touched by this wonderful person, and that will live on with me.

And to be honest, this couldn't have come at a better time for me. My heart has been very heavy with guilt and sorrow about this holiday season. Finances are so tight that we can't afford to adopt a family for Christmas as we have every other year since we got married in 1997. I've been having such a hard time coping with the fact that when MORE people need help, I had to decline my normal giving when I should be increasing it. And if I could afford it, I would -- I'd adopt more families this year. But with our current dual-state living arrangement and our jobs on the line, we just couldn't swing it this year. Paying for two households has not been easy, and I'm having a tough time paying for my own family this year. But even the logic and the numbers behind my decision don't make it any easier. It was extremely difficult for me not to help a family in need this year. That's just my "thing" every year. I love to shop for others, and I love to see the joy and relief on the faces of parents that know their children will have presents and food for Christmas.

Thank you to my own personal angel. Even if the intention doesn't work out due to the logistical problems you faced yesterday, I appreciate your offer more than ANYTHING, and you've put a smile on my face during a difficult holiday season.