se·cret
–noun
8. something that is or is kept secret, hidden, or concealed.
9. a mystery: the secrets of nature.
10. a reason or explanation not immediately or generally apparent.
11. a method, formula, plan, etc., known only to the initiated or the few: the secret of happiness; a trade secret.
12. a classification assigned to information, a document, etc., considered less vital to security than top-secret but more vital than confidential, and limiting its use to persons who have been cleared, as by various government agencies, as trustworthy to handle such material.
13. (initial capital letter) Liturgy. a variable prayer in the Roman and other Latin liturgies, said inaudibly by the celebrant after the offertory and immediately before the preface.
Sarah posted on SS about having a secret that she can never tell anyone at all. I'm sure many people have these kinds of secrets, and this post is in no way a judgement on that. I agree with a post Benita made in that thread that so often people think their secret is the worst on the planet...and it turns out not to be so bad. It's all in perception, I suppose, and we're always harder on ourselves than others. We are our own worst critic.
I have a friend from high school that has a big secret and two of us know about it strictly by accident. She would be devastated if anyone else ever found out. It would change her life as she knows it. She lives in fear that it will be found out every day.
I have another friend who is gay. He is SO afraid for anyone to find out that he's done everything he can to make sure that doesn't happen, even marry a woman and have two children. (For the record, she knows he's gay -- she wanted a career and not a relationship, so this was all just convenience for her.) But he'd rather live in this fake marriage without being truly happy than let anyone know he's gay.
I am very thankful that I don't have a life-altering secret. It's got to be so hard to live that way. And I'm way too honest to live a lie--not that all secrets mean you're living a lie. But the ones I referenced above are, and I just couldn't live like that. I can't imagine not being able to be ME and be honest about my life. And I'm such a bad liar that everyone would see through me and know that I wasn't truly happy - I can't seem to hide that very well. I am so glad that I'm not held back by any kind of secret that I would never want to be told. Sure I have things that I've never told anyone...but they aren't things that I COULDN'T tell or things that would change me if someone found out. Just secrets by default because I've not talked about them.
So, do you have a secret? Is it really life-altering so that you fear someone would find out?! Or is it something you're harshly judging yourself on and really isn't that bad?
Whatever it is, have peace in knowing that your friends love you anyways.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
“Secrets are made to be found out with time"
Posted by CloverGirl at 8:17 AM
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3 comments:
Great post Brandi! Thought provoking to say the least. There are things that are in my past that I don't talk about...but they're not secret. Like you, I could hide nothing from the people around me. I am (sometimes to my dismay) an open book. Again, great post!
Love it, Brandi! Nothing life altering here ... it's an open (read: boring) book :) So boring, in fact, that people have to make up stuff to make my life interesting!
“Secrets…” How often has it been said…
“Is he gay? He is married! He can’t be gay!”?
You would be surprised if your husband, the guy you married was emotionally or sexually involved with another man! Or would you care?
The chances are that if you are reading this blog, you are either gay lesbian or bisexual and possibly married, or possibly in a relationship with such a person who is married to the opposite sex.
The chances are that you are seeking to answer questions like "Is my husband gay or bisexual?" or "Is my wife a lesbian?" “Am I the other woman?” “Is my husband involved with another man?” “Is my spouse, secretly having an affair?”
The statistics are rather staggering, according to the 2001 U.S. Census figures show as many as 4 million Americans could be married or have been unknowingly married to a gay spouse living a double lifestyle. According to an explosion in the media it is suspected that it happens far more frequently than society would lead us to believe. In the majority of cases, the straight spouse might be totally unaware of the true sexuality of their partner. When and if they discover the whole truth, it can be devastating, often leading to a divorce of the marriage. But in some cases, particularly where the relationship between spouses is strong, the marriage can survive, although it is believed that only about 20 or 25% do survive. This is often the wife in denial with fear of letting go of comfortable patterns associated with self-esteem. With feelings of what did I do wrong in my marriage? Trust me when I say. It's not the wives faults!!!
There are marriages where one partner knew about the sexuality of the other partner before the marriage took place. Often with the spouse saying. “It happened when I was in high school,” or “it was just one time, it was only sex, it didn't mean anything…”
What are your thoughts and opinions on married, bi, or gay men not coming out to their wives? How about the “Other Man,” what emotional ramifications does he face? Is it the gay community, so detached that it doesn't matter?
My e-mail has been flooded with letters from the “Other Man,” looking for support and guidance as they emotionally got tangled with someone else's husband.
Be Safe,
Dennis J. Schleicher
The author of an explosive and controversial memoir; Forbidden Love with a Married Man: E-mail Diaries"
http://gayhusbands.wordpress.com/
http://www.otherman.typepad.com/
http://tantric860.blogspot.com/
www.theothermansupport.blogspot.com
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