Radiation Sucks

I'm in a funk, so don't read if you are expecting to hear from "happy Brandi."

I have a very stressful life, and radiation is the straw that broke the proverbial camel's back. I've had it with radiation, I'm sick of going in there, and I'm sick of laying "completely still, Mrs. Lezon" for so long every time. I'm also sick of being sick and sick of waiting in that stinky hospital. I'm sick of being told "you have nothing to worry about" by all the techs. Yeah, sure. Easy for you to say. YOU get to sit behind a barricade. YOU are free from radiation entering your body. YOU aren't being exposed to the areas that say "Alert Radiation - Stay out." Of course YOU have nothing to worry about...but I do!

Last night, I almost told the lady that I hope she never, ever has to go through this. It's a living hell to lay on that table for 1½ hours, hearing the machine (the one that indicates the radiation is going) beeping LOUDLY, while thinking about the long list of potential long-term side effects. So sure, it's easy for someone on the outside of the room to tell me that there is nothing to worry about. It's not easy when you're the one on the table, though!

Ron came home to help me this week. That should be a great thing, but it's causing me more stress. He's messing up my routines and then yelling at me when the kids are confused that everything is different. He wants to do things his own way when my kids are used to the structure they've had in their routine for over a year. And he says "well everyone says how flexible kids are." Well, my kids *are* flexible...but they also rely on structure for things. Give me a break and stop yelling at me! GAH!!!

This week, I HATE radiation. Thursday is my last day. I just want it to be over.