Everyone Needs a Laugh...

As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280. Please be careful!"

"Heck," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's hundreds of them!"

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A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

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Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head. One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car.

He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.

The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.

A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.

And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
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BUMPER STICKERS
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs

All men are idiots....I married their king

Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician (This is an OLD one before someone accuses me of being racist, making threats, etc. I saw this when W was in office)

A Mother's Dictionary

Bottle feeding: An opportunity for Daddy to get up at 2 am too.

Defense: What you'd better have around de yard if you're going to let the children play outside.

Drooling: How teething babies wash their chins.

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Family planning: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster

Feedback: The inevitable result when the baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.

Full name: What you call your child when you're mad at him.

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they're sure you're not raising them right.

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Independent: How we want our children to be as long as they do everything we say.

Look out: What it's too late for your child to do by the time you scream it.

Prenatal: When your life was still somewhat your own.

Preprared childbirth: A contradiction in terms.

Puddle: A small body of water that draws other small bodies wearing dry shoes into it.

Show off: A child who is more talented than yours.

Sterilize: What you do to your first baby's pacifier by boiling it and to your last baby's pacifier by blowing on it.

Storeroom: The distance required between the supermarket aisles so that children in shopping carts can't quite reach anything.

Temper tantrums: What you should keep to a minimum so as to not upset the children.

Top bunk: Where you should never put a child wearing Superman jammies.

Two-minute warning: When the baby's face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Verbal: Able to whine in words


Whodunit: None of the kids that live in your house.

Whoops: An exclamation that translates roughly into "get a sponge."

A kid's view on marriage

What Exactly Is Marriage?
"Marriage is when you get to keep your girl and don't have to give her back to her parents" -Eric, six years old

"When somebody's been dating for a while, the boy might propose to the girl. He says to her, 'I'll take you for a whole life, or at least until we have kids and get divorced, but you got to do one particular thing for me.' Then she says yes, but she's wondering what the thing is and whether it's naughty or not. She can't wait to find out." -Anita, nine years old


How Does a Person Decide Whom to marry?
"You flip a nickel, and heads means you stay with him and tails means you try the next one." -Kelly, nine years old

"My mother says to look for a man who is kind....That's what I'll do....I'll find somebody who's kinda tall and handsome." -Carolyn, eight years old


Concerning the Proper Age to Get Married
"Once I'm done with kindergarten, I'm going to find me a wife" -Bert, five years old


How Did Your Mom and Dad Meet?
"They were at a dance party at a friend's house. Then they went for a drive, but their car broke down...It was a good thing, because it gave them a chance to find out about their values." -Lottie, nine years old

"My father was doing some strange chores for my mother. They won't tell me what kind." -Jeremy, eight years old


What Do Most People Do on a Date?
"On the first date, they just tell each other lies, and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date." -Martin, ten years old

"Many daters just eat pork chops and french fries and talk about love." -Craig, nine years old


When Is It Okay to Kiss Someone?
"You should never kiss a girl unless you have enough bucks to buy her a ring and her own VCR, 'cause she'll want to have videos of the wedding." -Allan, ten years old

"Never kiss in front of other people. It's a big embarrassing thing if anybody sees you....If nobody sees you, I might be willing to try it with a handsome boy, but just for a few hours." -Kally, nine years old


The Great Debate: Is It Better to Be Single or Married?
"You should ask the people who read Cosmopolitan" -Kirsten, ten years old

"It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need somebody to clean up after them" -Anita, nine years old

"It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. I'm just a kid. I don't need that kind of trouble." -Will, seven years old

Send him to camp...or not???

Jacob wants to go to church camp this summer, but I'm having some trouble with it. First of all, I have a hard time making a financial commitment NOW for something happening in June. Secondly, I am a little worried that he won't be able to handle it. You're supposed to have completed third grade to go, but the youth director invited him because he's so mature. Plus, the boy in third grade in his Sunday School class will only go if Jacob goes.

He will only know one boy there his age, and then the youth director from our church and a few older kids would be there the same week. It's FIVE NIGHTS. He says he can handle it, won't miss us or be too scared, won't want to come home early, etc.

Ron thinks I'm wavering about it because I don't want him to be away for that long. I'm sure there is part of my brain that thinks that, but I just don't know if he's ready for five nights away. That's a long time. He's done fine staying the night at friends' houses, but that just ONE night.

What do you think? Do you think a seven year old can handle that? (He'll turn 8 two weeks before they go.) I have to decide in the next week, and I'm really torn. I just don't know if he can do it or not.

TWENTY-FOUR

Yeah, baby!!! That's my page count total from this past weekend. I got eleven double page spreads done and a front and back single page for Jacob's book. YAY!!!!!!!! He's now caught up through March 2008.

I can't believe it. I started scrapbooking in 2005 and really didn't get that serious about it until I found Scrapshare in 2007. I've managed to get his books done June 2001 - March 2008. Clarissa is done August 2003 - September 2007. I also made a couple family books. I think I made one in 2005, 2006 and 2007. I still need to make 2008, and I plan to start with January and keep 2009 current. I am THRILLED with this progress.

My MIL is visiting Saturday, so I may get more time down there, too!!!!! She basically wants to see the kids, so after I make and serve lunch, I can slip downstairs. :)

I just wanted to share my joy. I knew I did a lot, but I didn't realize I did that many pages!! Woooohooooooooooooooo.

Weekend Plans

I'm so excited that the weekend starts at 4pm today. I SO need this weekend. It's been a long, crazy week, and I need some FREE time. Some ME time. Some free me time.

Tonight Jacob has basketball practice and tomorrow he has a game in the morning. Then, the day is mine. I've got a little cleaning and laundry to do, but I am determined to spend some time scrapping this weekend. I need to unpack my stuff from SSMI3, and I'd like to cut titles for the TWELVE pages I did there, as well as work on some other layouts. It will be the nice break I need from all the craziness we've had this week.

Sunday is church at 11am and then we're home for family time all day. We'll probably play the Wii a little, and we'll definitely play some UNO and other board games. Maybe we'll even watch a movie. Whatever we do, it will be nice and relaxing because we'll be together.

So, what do YOU have planned for this weekend?

Wordless Wednesday

Lucy Loves Me Afterall...

I can't even tell you how AMAZING my kids are. I stopped at the grocery store on the way home from work last night, so I got home a little late. I was trying to rush at the store since I knew DH couldn't make them dinner on his crutches. I fully expected to walk into a house of cranky family members wanting dinner and complaining that I was so late.

Instead, I walked into a house that smelled WONDERFUL. I could smell the kitchen cleaner as soon as I opened the side door. Jacob was still mopping the kitchen floor, and he just looked up and smiled. My kitchen was completely clean, and it smelled SO good!!! They loaded the dishwasher, and it was running. Their rooms were cleaned (including dusted!) They picked up the house and ran the vacuum. They cleaned up the kitchen counter and took all the laundry downstairs for me.

I was in shock -- the great kind, of course. I thanked them profusely (I even cried at their gesture), and we hung out all night. We played a few games, I baked them cookies and we watched a little Planet Earth. What a fantastic night--much better than what I had planned! They did a great job for their age, and I have no complaints. Tomorrow I do need to clean the kitchen sink and counters a little when I come home from lunch, but I don't want them to see me re-doing them, so I'll wait until then.

The most amazing part of all of this is that Ron said it was Clare's idea. She said they should help me out since I've been doing so much for Daddy lately on top of taking care of them. (Can she really be MY daughter?!) Jacob agreed to help, and they got A LOT done for me. I was expecting a long night of cleaning, and instead, I got to spend quality time with the kids. What a night!

Recital Time...

Clarissa was so excited to perform at her dance recital tonight. She did great, not that we expected anything less from her. We didn't even get to the car when she asked me if I signed her up for the next session!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Question of the Day...

If you had the choice, would you choose to be a big fish in a little pond or a little fish in a big pond...and WHY?

Wordless Wednesday

One Word

I'm planning my Book of Me, and I want to do the One Word layout that Stacy and Benita did. In order to do that, I need people to give me "One Word" that describes me. If you're so inclined, please post a comment or send me an e-mail with one word that you think describes me.

Praying for a Friend

The first thought I had when I woke up this morning was that Ron needed more medicine. But then my very next thought was that someone I chat with on the internet is having a memorial service for her son today. I've been sad all morning, and I can't focus on anything I'm doing because all I can think of is Kristin and her family. I can't imagine the pain they are feeling, and I'm so very sorry for their loss. Today, I continue to pray for their healing. My thoughts and prayers are with them more today than they have been in the last week.

Ron's Home

We got home from the hospital today, and Ron is doing well. The surgeon said
there was more damage than the MRI showed, so the repair means his recovery
will be longer than expected. He repaired the tear in his knee, but there
was also what he calls a "pot hole" on the bone, so he drilled holes in it
in hopes that scar tissues would grow into it and help protect it from
rubbing. Had he not done that, he anticipated that Ron would have arthritis
in it pretty badly pretty soon.

This changes our whole plan. Ron will have to be on crutches (or "crunches" according to Clarissa) for four weeks now, instead of one week, and it's non-weight bearing until he sees his doctor in two weeks. He's going to try to go back to work after that (in two weeks), with the understanding that he has to use his crutches, but it will depend on what the doctor thinks when he sees him. The dr. is open to
him going back to work if he can trust Ron to follow directions. Therein lies the problem.

We've ordered a CPM machine, which will hopefully be delivered tomorrow.
The idea is that using this so soon after surgery will prevent scar tissue
from developing, and the problem of stiffness would not be a concern. He is also getting this brace that pushes super cold water through it to ice his leg. It better work, because it is costing me A LOT!!!!!

He's pretty loopy right now, and I plan to keep him drugged for the first
two days. He said on the way home that he wasn't going to take pain
medication if he felt good later, but I told him that wasn't an option. Dr.
said to stay ahead of it for 48 hours, then as needed, so that's what we're
doing. Plus, he's grumpy when he's in pain!

So, that's about it. He's doing well, but he's just bummed about the longer
recovery.

One Word

I snatched this from Lindsay's Blog. I've done it in the past, but it's been a while. You have to answer each question with just one word. Sounds easy enough. Truth is, it's harder than you think!

1. Where is your cell phone? purse
2. Significant other? Ron
3. Your hair? short
4. Your mother? strong
5. Your father? supportive
6. Your favorite thing? sleep
7. Your dream last night? vivid
8. Your favorite drink? Water
9. Your dream/goal? Move
10. The room you're in? Bedroom
11. Your hobby? scrapbooking
12. Your fear? Claustrophobia
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Kentucky
14. Where were you last night? Home
15. What you're not? thin
16. Muffins? YUM
17. One of your wish list items? Flash
18. Where you grew up? Ohio
19. The last thing you did? Eat
20. What are you wearing? Sweats
21. Your TV? Off
22. Your pets? Dogs
23. Your computer? Work
24. Your life? Weird
25. Your mood? Hmph
26. Missing someone? yes
27. Your car? Chrysler
28. Something you're not wearing? bra
29. Favorite store? Target
30. Your summer? distant
31. Like someone? definitely
32. Your favorite color? green
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried? today

Tumor Update

I had my follow-up appt. with my oncologist today, and my tumor hasn't grown. YAY! That's obviously a big praise.

I am asking for more prayers for my health, though. Even though my tumor has not grown, it also has not started to regress yet. And, the area around the tumor and my nerve sheath is showing a change, but they can't say what it is or why it's changing.

The dr. was very disappointed about not seeing any regression and really wants to do more radiation. I am trying to put that off because I'm not physically, emotionally or mentally prepared for that again (or financially, to be totally honest.)

He also told me to stop ALL exercise. He went on explain why -- something about the nerve and muscles around the tumor not receiving enough blood, so he's worried that if I increase blood flow by exercising, I'll have permanent damage in that area. But honestly, for someone who needs and WANTS to lose weight, I was so disappointed. He already had me doing nothing but walking on the treadmill, but now I'm only permitted to do the walking required for a normal day. (I'm wondering if I can count the Wii Fit as "normal" activity.)